Devil Incarnate
by YonderB
Summary: Shikamaru meets his match in a fuzzy ball of hell. Crack. Kittenlovers beware.


Shikamaru just sat there.

_sat._

_there._

With that fuzzy ball of hell sitting on his lap.

How the _hell_ had he gotten into this?!

It happened five hours ago. He'd been lying on his back, minding his own business, watching a washing-machine-shaped cloud melt into a ice-cube shape, when this _thing_ just came up and bit his ear!

Naturally, he had an impulse to scream a few choice words, but that would've been too troublesome. So, he decided merely to raise a hand and wave away whatever what intent on ripping his earring out.

Whatever, the blood-thirsty beast decided Shikamaru's fingers were the perfect chew-toy.

Needle-sharp teeth speared into Shikamaru's fingertips continuously, and the shinobi merely wiggled them, trying to remove his hand from whatever it was, his dark eyes still watching the ice-cube cloud, which had formed into a bear.

Shikamaru wiggled his fingers a little harder, tiny claws latching onto his wrist, small padded feet intent on ripping the back of his hand open.

"So troublesome." sighed the lazy nin, raising his hand in the air, hoping the beast, no matter how small, would merely fall off his hand when he raised it high enough.

But, alas.

Shikamaru now had his hand straight above himself, his arm as far as it would go, a furry ball of brown fur securely attached to the back of his hand, it's mouth clasped firmly over his middle finger, it's front paws latched around his wrist like a bracelet, and it's back paws scratching at his forearm.

Shikamaru watched the fluff for a moment, before looking over it, seeing his bear-cloud had just morphed into a sumo-wrestler.

"Get off." grunted Shikamaru simply, shaking his hand slightly.

Tiny teeth pierced his skin in protest.

Letting out a sigh, Shikamaru let his hand drop to his side with a thump, the ball of fluff not caring that it was just was whacked against the ground, but merely continued chewing on Shikamaru's fingers.

'_Why me._' thought the young shinobi simply, his eyes staring, half-open, at his sumo-wrestler cloud, which was now attacking another sumo-wrestler cloud.

Sitting up on the grassy ground, Shikamaru looked at his hand, and the foreign object still attached to it. Giving said object a poke with his spare hand, the object made a noise somewhat like a growl.

Fear the fuzzy growly thing.

_So._

_Troublesome._

Shikamaru slumped his shoulders and raised both his hands, his spare one grasping the fussy thing by it's back, before yanking the damn thing off.

Ooh, the _pain_.

But, of course, pain was troublesome. So was lurching because of said pain. And so was screaming because of said lurch, because of said pain.

Breathing was troublesome too, but Shikamaru had a thing about living.

Troublesome, I know.

Looking at his now-free hand, which was starting to bleed at the wrist and on his fingers from thin gashes, Shikamaru looked at the fuzzy thing.

_Mental note; kittens are troublesome._

The ball of brown fluff was a kitten. A few months old, if Shikamaru had to guess, hanging by the scruff of it's neck, which Shikamaru was so carefully holding, it's head bowed, it's paws tucked against his furry chest.

Did all kittens know how to do the _Kicked Puppy Look_, or was it just this one?

"You're troublesome." Shikamaru stated to the kitten, it's head bowing even more, as though it was ashamed.

Shikamaru heaved himself to his feet, before placing the kitten back onto the ground, not intent on taking it home. "Bye. Leave me alone."

Shikamaru turned to leave, when suddenly a _thing_ latched onto his ankle, and _bit_.

Again, swearing was troublesome, but _hell_. Who cared. This was an emergency.

"WHAT THE _FUCK_?!"

Shikamaru whipped around, to see the kitten had latched itself onto his ankle, and had sunk it's teeth into his leg, orange eyes glinting with morbid amusement.

Reaching down, Shikamaru wrenched the kitten from his ankle, which was now seeping blood, and held the kitten before his face, but not too close.

"I don't like you." the shinobi stated shortly, his lips pursed.

The kitten grinned.

Can kittens grin? I thought that only monkeys and humans smile, and grins are merely more accentuated smile, I suppose, but according to my calcula--

_SO TROUBLESOME._

Intent on leaving this place, glancing up at his pair of sumo-wrestler-clouds, which had turned into a koi fish and a pair of chopsticks, Shikamaru started scuffing his way to his house, passing numerous villagers on his way, the kitten hanging from his hand, his fingers tightly holding the scruff of it's neck.

_click_

Shikamaru's eyes fixed on a small pot, which was lying on the side of the road, and a small smirk formed on his usually lazy face.

Walking over to the pot, Shikamaru placed the kitten on the ground, the kitten fixing Shikamaru with a calculating look, before Shikamaru placed the pot, upside-down over the kitten.

Promptly straightening up, Shikamaru strode down the street, feeling accomplished. That pot was heavier than that kitten could possibly move, and, according to Shikamaru's calculations, he would be probably long-gone before someone rescued it.

Some calculations can be wrong.

So. Very. _Wrong_.

Shikamaru was about to take another step, already three blocks away from the pot, when a weight smashed into his ankle, and tiny teeth promptly ripped into his leg.

Slowly, shoulders squared, our hero looked over his shoulder, to see the kitten attached to his ankle again. Lazy eyes floating upwards, Shikamaru saw an elderly lady carrying away the pot he had used to imprison the kitten, a small spade in hand.

Eyes floating back down the the kitten, Shikamaru slowly lowered a hand and yanked the kitten up to eye level. "I don't like you."

A few meters of stalking later, Shikamaru spotted a small cage, and promptly hurried over and placed the kitten into it, before jogging away from the cage again, a smirk on his face.

_WHUMP_

Shikamaru froze, shoulders square, lips a thin, aggravated line, eyebrows tense.

The kitten gnawed on Shikamaru's pant-leg.

And so, that continued for another four and a half hours, until Shikamaru finally got home, pants-hem in tatters, shoes in mattered and bloody strips, shoulders as tense as tense can be.

Shikamaru hurried into his house, slamming the door behind him, kicking off the remainder of his shoes, before promptly streaking through the halls of his home, to barrel into his room and lock the door with a snap.

Shikamaru's mother sighed, murmuring about boys and their hormones, before she heard a scratching sound at the door. Curious, she opened it.

Shikamaru sat on his bed, now feeling relaxed, that kitten taken care of, a ton of stress lifting off our hero's shoulders.

"OH! SHikamaru, open up!" came an excited squeal from Shikamaru's door, Shikamaru obediently pressing a simple button by his bedside, the door letting out an impressive click before swinging open.

The bottom fell from Shikmamaru's stomach.

"I found him outside. We're going to keep him!" Chirped Shikamaru's mother, rushing in and placing that godforsaken kitten onto the boy's lap, letting out an almighty squeal. "OH, you both look so cute! I'll get the camera! You be nice to him!" With that, she rushed out the door, letting out ear-piercing squeals.

Slowly, Shikamaru's brown eyes lowered themselves to the fuzzy ball of brown fluff on his lap, two glittering evil eyes looking up at him.

"You are the devil incarnate." Shikamaru stated to the kitten.

Said kitten merely grinned.

Shikamaru's mother rushed in, camera at the ready, about to press the button. "Come now, Shikamaru! Stroke his fur!"

Shikamaru looked won at the little furry ball of hell, the stinging of numerous scratches and bights all over his arms and legs coming back ten-fold.

"... Do we have to keep him?" Shikamaru asked his mother pleadingly.

A dark and positively frightening expression came across Shikamaru's mother's face, that immediately, Shikamaru took back what he said with a "N-nothing!"

He placed his mildly bleeding hand onto the kittens' head, and the ball of hell started to purr. Oh, this kitten could _act_ too?!

"Awwww!" Squealed Shikamaru's mother, ignorant of the pure evil in her vicinity, taking a quick photo, before skipping out the door cheerily.

Now that she was out the way, the kitten went back to being evil.

Shikamaru flinched and bit his tongue to stop himself from making a noise, glaring down at the beast that was currently eating his finger.

"I _abhor_ kittens like you." Shikmaru hissed through his teeth, yanking the kitten from his flesh. "you're so _troublesome_!"

Oh, how right Shikamaru was.

((END. I might make this into a series, but, i like this. Poor Shikamaru!! I loved getting into his personality in this story. My mother likes the clouds in this, for some reason. But, she's a Shikamaru-fan, so, i can't blame her. Anyway, i hope you liked the story!))


End file.
